Cerdic
Cerdic, who was born in 467 ACE, giving him just enough time to see the Western Roman Empire disappear forever (in 476), was the first King of Wessex and can be seen as the first link in a chain of command that continues today. In the first part of an 85-part series, I will lift the veils of secrecy about the mysterious Cerdic and shed light on the man who would be king (and he would).
Cerdic’s early life is a mystery. His first recorded activities took place in 495, when he was already 28. In the late 5th century, a man was usually a grandfather by the time he turned 25, so Cerdic was about as old as anyone could get.
No one is completely sure where Cerdic came from; his behavior suggests he was German (he loved war) but his name is actually British. The name Cedric came about from Cerdic signing his name incorrectly on a copy of his autobiography. He may be the accidental progenitor of one of today’s least popular names, but Cerdic will be best remembered for his actions.
In 495, Cerdic landed with an army of trolls in Hampshire. 24 years later, he used that army to win a great victory over the people of southern England. I don’t know why it took him a quarter of a century to organize an attack. I really don’t. Nevertheless, the West Saxon tribe really liked Cerdic’s style and made him their king. Cerdic advanced into Dorset and Somerset and also conquered the Isle of Wight for some reason. By 530, Cerdic’s forces controlled all of southwestern England and had pushed as far north as Bedford, while Cerdic himself was one of the most powerful men in Europe.
From 519 – 534, Cerdic ruled over an ever-growing kingdom called Wessex. During this reign, Cerdic disbanded his troll forces and began to rely on real creatures (human children) to fight his wars. He discovered and destroyed a land bridge to France. He opened the only diamond mine in the history of the British Isles, though he had to close it due to poor output. He was depicted in the 2004 movie King Arthur, but this depiction was less than glowing.
Cerdic died in 534 at the incredible age of 67. His reign as the first King of Wessex lasted 15 years, and he was succeeded by Cynric. There is some evidence to suggest that Cerdic founded every major royal family in Europe.
When Cerdic’s life began, the British Isles were in complete chaos. When his life drew to a close, order had been largely restored. In England, there were seven or eight kingdoms (one of them being Wessex) that enjoyed healthy, constant warfare. The Scots were represented by the roving Picts, Ireland was constantly sinking and rising again, and Wales was a foggy, squid-ruled backwater known only as North Wales. There was no South Wales.
Next in our 85-part series, we will examine Cynric, a gun-worshipping lunatic who first warned us of the threat posed by Adolf Hitler.
Cerdic’s early life is a mystery. His first recorded activities took place in 495, when he was already 28. In the late 5th century, a man was usually a grandfather by the time he turned 25, so Cerdic was about as old as anyone could get.
No one is completely sure where Cerdic came from; his behavior suggests he was German (he loved war) but his name is actually British. The name Cedric came about from Cerdic signing his name incorrectly on a copy of his autobiography. He may be the accidental progenitor of one of today’s least popular names, but Cerdic will be best remembered for his actions.
In 495, Cerdic landed with an army of trolls in Hampshire. 24 years later, he used that army to win a great victory over the people of southern England. I don’t know why it took him a quarter of a century to organize an attack. I really don’t. Nevertheless, the West Saxon tribe really liked Cerdic’s style and made him their king. Cerdic advanced into Dorset and Somerset and also conquered the Isle of Wight for some reason. By 530, Cerdic’s forces controlled all of southwestern England and had pushed as far north as Bedford, while Cerdic himself was one of the most powerful men in Europe.
From 519 – 534, Cerdic ruled over an ever-growing kingdom called Wessex. During this reign, Cerdic disbanded his troll forces and began to rely on real creatures (human children) to fight his wars. He discovered and destroyed a land bridge to France. He opened the only diamond mine in the history of the British Isles, though he had to close it due to poor output. He was depicted in the 2004 movie King Arthur, but this depiction was less than glowing.
Cerdic died in 534 at the incredible age of 67. His reign as the first King of Wessex lasted 15 years, and he was succeeded by Cynric. There is some evidence to suggest that Cerdic founded every major royal family in Europe.
When Cerdic’s life began, the British Isles were in complete chaos. When his life drew to a close, order had been largely restored. In England, there were seven or eight kingdoms (one of them being Wessex) that enjoyed healthy, constant warfare. The Scots were represented by the roving Picts, Ireland was constantly sinking and rising again, and Wales was a foggy, squid-ruled backwater known only as North Wales. There was no South Wales.
Next in our 85-part series, we will examine Cynric, a gun-worshipping lunatic who first warned us of the threat posed by Adolf Hitler.
posted by Simon at 9:16 PM
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