Cenfus
The tale of Cenfus, successor to Seaxburh’s throne, is a tragic one indeed. It’s also very short, so luckily one doesn’t feel too bad after hearing it.
Born sometime in the 650s, Cenfus was the son of Cenwalh and Seaxburh. He had a troubled childhood, his father insane and his mother a tyrant. Things became much worse for the young prince in 659, when he was kidnapped by elite mudskipper assassins and brought deep into Wales to be brainwashed by the evil squid David. David, his years advancing and his powers declining, had come up with a plan to use Cenfus as a sleeper agent within the kingdom of Wessex. The young boy endured horrible torment, as all of the dungeon masters in Wales at the time possessed large pinchers. He fiercely resisted David’s manipulations, however, and the squid eventually lost interest in the poor boy. At some time during his stay in David’ dungeons, Cenfus fathered a child named Escwin.
Cenfus was to be executed in 666 as the finale of a grand ceremony commemorating the 30th anniversary of David winning the lottery. His luck finally took a positive turn, however, when the stage collapsed during the performance of an unusually hefty dancing troupe. In the madness and confusion that followed, Cenfus noticed that his cage had never actually been locked and was able to flee into the Welsh wilderness with his son.
After a full decade of hiding and hoping, Cenfus was able to escape from Wales and return to Wessex in 676. He quickly learned that his father had died two years before and his mother’s death had come only a few days ago. Cenfus was discovered by a group of nobles who promptly declared they had found the new King of Wessex. Cenfus’ first decree was to make 666 (the year of his escape from Wales) the luckiest number in the entire kingdom, then died suddenly from an aortic aneurysm. Cenfus’ reign had lasted 17 seconds, and his son promptly succeeded him.
Escwin’s first decree was to make 666 the most unlucky number in the entire kingdom.
Born sometime in the 650s, Cenfus was the son of Cenwalh and Seaxburh. He had a troubled childhood, his father insane and his mother a tyrant. Things became much worse for the young prince in 659, when he was kidnapped by elite mudskipper assassins and brought deep into Wales to be brainwashed by the evil squid David. David, his years advancing and his powers declining, had come up with a plan to use Cenfus as a sleeper agent within the kingdom of Wessex. The young boy endured horrible torment, as all of the dungeon masters in Wales at the time possessed large pinchers. He fiercely resisted David’s manipulations, however, and the squid eventually lost interest in the poor boy. At some time during his stay in David’ dungeons, Cenfus fathered a child named Escwin.
Cenfus was to be executed in 666 as the finale of a grand ceremony commemorating the 30th anniversary of David winning the lottery. His luck finally took a positive turn, however, when the stage collapsed during the performance of an unusually hefty dancing troupe. In the madness and confusion that followed, Cenfus noticed that his cage had never actually been locked and was able to flee into the Welsh wilderness with his son.
After a full decade of hiding and hoping, Cenfus was able to escape from Wales and return to Wessex in 676. He quickly learned that his father had died two years before and his mother’s death had come only a few days ago. Cenfus was discovered by a group of nobles who promptly declared they had found the new King of Wessex. Cenfus’ first decree was to make 666 (the year of his escape from Wales) the luckiest number in the entire kingdom, then died suddenly from an aortic aneurysm. Cenfus’ reign had lasted 17 seconds, and his son promptly succeeded him.
Escwin’s first decree was to make 666 the most unlucky number in the entire kingdom.
posted by Simon at 12:53 PM
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